by Celia Clausen

The silence has returned to Bhoga. Most participants have already left, but you still feel the echoes of the intensity that has characterized the last 10 days. It’s the moment for contemplation. When I came last Friday my mind was full of thoughts relating to the daily life, now I can mostly feel my hearts quiet contentment.

We ended the camp in the afternoon with a meditation and after that I went out in the fields to be alone for a while. The camp has been so incredible full of experiences and impressions that I needed to crystalize the essence of it. My main goal for participating has been to deepen my understanding of the spiritual path I am following and to become more conscious of the way I live my life. As I was sitting in the field, feeling the sun, that has finally returned, caressing my face, I was not sure if I had achieved what I came for. My meditations have not been that great, my understandings not that profound. I wondered how to measure what I have learned in the camp? When you set a goal you can measure  in different ways if it has been accomplished. You know that you can drive a car, when you are actually doing it. But how could I know if I had truly learned anything from the last 10 days experiences? Was I more conscious? Wiser perhaps?

I went for a long walk. I walked through the fields, feeling I was crossing an ocean of yellow waves. It was an incredible beautiful evening. After almost a week with rain and storm the sun light felt like a blessing, bringing out the colours in everything. The wind was strong and made me feel as if I was almost lifted from the ground expanding into the sky. I walked to the beach and the sight of the sea was breathtaking. The waves were powerful and the golden light from the sunset created a beautiful frame of pink and purple clouds in the horizon. As I kept walking, for hours, something happened in my heart. All my questions were one by one silenced. I could suddenly feel the present moment and realized how unique and incredible perfect it was. I felt polarized and complete. It was as if the last piece in a puzzle was put in place and I could now see the full picture. It had been there all the time, but I had not known how to look at it. It had been right beside me, but I had been gazing forward into the future believing that only there I could find what I searched for. I felt embraced by an endless love created by the game between Shiva and Sakti, between the man and the woman.

I stayed up all night and watched the sunrise. The moment was simply too beautiful to end. How could I go to sleep when I had finally woken up to experience love and happiness? 10 days ago my mind was full of useless thoughts, and from experience I know that they will one by one appear again, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that the tears in my eyes are from happiness and not from pain, that the sun is rising because of love and not necessity and that my heart is open to give. The tantric festival has been a celebration of life as it should be lived, full of love and intensity. Perhaps I was looking for something else when I came, but I realize now that I have found what I was really searching for; the essence that is in every cell of existence. Something I can only receive by giving it away. That magic star dust God is pouring into our hearts with infinite generosity. Love.


 

| More...