One of the most important aspects, if we want to find our ideal lover, the one to complete us and to make our heart happy and fulfilled, is the complete transformation of the negative mind patterns that we maintain.

 

All those who complain about not finding the right lover have a negative idea in their subconscious mind regarding the couple relationship. In most situations, it is a prior traumatizing experience. Look into yourself and realize that if you lack self-confidence, if you think you do not deserve it, that there is so much in you to transform, that now you have a difficult period, etc., this is the projection you emit mentally and you will receive an answer to this projection.

 

If the couple relationship is important for you, then give it the proper importance. It might seem simple, but it is amazing how little time people spend for the things that really matter for their hearts and how much time they waste with all kind of aspects that prove to be useless. If the couple relationship is important for us, we must focus and learn about it. Then, we must apply as often as possible this knowledge about the couple relationship, until the desired results appear and even then we must keep going, always applying these revelations until we obtain the superior states of consciousness and, further on, until we reach perfection. That is why it very important, as soon as we notice or when we hear ourselves complaining that we did not yet find the ideal lover, to first of all ask ourselves: “Is this important for me?” And if the answer is yes, then we must see if we really give it the adequate importance.

 

Usually, this problem is approached in two inferior ways: women start complaining to their friends about the couple relationship or they start making plans about a future couple relationship. Men take it seriously in the moments of crisis or they use it as a way of relaxation after the well justified efforts of life, as if the couple relationship is somewhere in the chapter: relaxation, good time. Ideally, we should start looking for the perfect lover with all our heart and being, but we use these situations, because they are very frequent. We should not fool ourselves when we have a problem.

 

Learning the mechanisms of the couple relationship means to give it enough attention. An extremely important note: The attention we give to the relationship is not the same with the attention we give to the effects of the couple relationship. In other words, spending more time with our lover in front of the TV, without noticing that this diminishes drastically the couple polarization is a waste of time, without focusing on the relationship itself. So, if we have the feeling we give some time to the couple relationship, but in fact we just waste time in the couple relationship, this is not a way of giving attention in the couple relationship. This is why we must be conscious that giving attention to the couple relationship is different then giving attention to the effects of the couple relationship. The effects of the couple relationship are: we feel good with each other, we have beautiful experiences, even extraordinary sometimes, but the relationship itself is the one that allows, that brings us in the situation of having those experiences. Pay attention to the relationship, not to the effects. Become aware of the effects, both the positive and also the less positive ones – in this way we mark the way. This is fundamental. But do not mistake the attention we give to the effects with the attention we give to the relationship.

 

We must give it the necessary priority at the right moment. There are certain moments which are very favourable for the development of the couple relationship, moments in which we can make progresses, or moments of hiatus in the relationship, in which we have to bring energy consciously. If in those moments we indulge into consuming the relationship over and over again and we focus only on the effects, then we lose important moments and of course we are not ready when tests appear. In this way, the relationship can regress.

 

Another important aspect for finding our ideal lover is to engage in the game of polarities in order to create the necessary attraction. As long as we are a man mediocre in our virility, we will attract a woman mediocre in her femininity. The same goes the other way around. So, the first step is to look at ourselves and to see how we are.

For example, from the point of view of polarity, if we want as our lover a being with an increased state of polarity… for example, if we are a woman that wishes to have an extremely virile lover, we have to look and see, to become aware of our state of femininity, if it matches the man we want to attract. If, as a man, we want to have an extremely feminine lover, we have to look first of all at ourselves. Ultimately, this game of polarities works implacably. We will always attract the man or the woman that polarizes us best. This does not mean that he or she is the best, it means it is exactly our polar opposite. Therefore, when we want to find our tantric lover, we have to consider this game of polarities, in order to create the necessary attraction.

 

Taken from "The spiritual couple relationship", conference kept by Mihai and Adina Stoian in 2006, in Costinesti - Romania.