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 by Anna-Maybrit Lambert
On the 2nd of march, it was Maha Shiva Ratri - the great night of Shiva which takes place once a year on the last new moon of the zodiacal year. It is a privileged astrological moment which is very helpful for entering in resonance with the subtle sphere of force of Shiva – the Supreme Consciousness. We celebrated it with a wonderful spiral meditation, and I would like to share my experience of that.
I had been teaching in the afternoon, and afterwards I had been to tantra class – first year – and been talking to one of the girls from the class, sharing experiences from our hearts – I felt so uplifted and happy for this precious moment with her.
And then it was time for the spiral – I had been in some spirals before, but was still not so familiar with it. But I looked very much forward to celebrating Shiva in this way.
I went into the room, and we were placed according to gender and star-sign, and the meditation began. It was a meditation with music, and I am not yet so good at focusing when there is music in the meditation – as I am not so trained. But I decided to relax and just offer my heart to Shiva and whatever he would want to give to me.
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I went into the room, and we were placed according to gender and star-sign, and the meditation began. It was a meditation with music, and I am not yet so good at focusing when there is music in the meditation – as I am not so trained. But I decided to relax and just offer my heart to Shiva and whatever he would want to give to me.
Soon I started seeing my father for my inner eye – I saw him as he looked when he was the age I am now, but also the way he looks today. I felt so much love from him... my first Shiva in this life, and though he hasn't maybe always been so conscious of how he could support me and be a father, still I felt so much love pouring from him. Tears filled my eyes and I felt very touched – and also healed.
Some days after the meditation I told my father about this experience and he was very moved and proud – and told me again that when I was born, he was the first one that held me and saw me. He kept repeating: I was the one that greeted you into this life, I was the first one to hold you, don't ever forget that!
I also saw my brother for my inner eye, and also there I felt so much love... and how much I wanted to help him through the crisis he is going through. In both cases I had this strong feeling of healing and removing all obstacles for our love – like seeing from a much higher perspective. Like there was no need for forgiving anymore, because nothing could ever come between us anyway – or: what should be forgiven when there was only love from the start?
Next, the music changed into dance music... soft, warm, gentle and a little playful. And I saw Grieg's face before me – I have never seen him in real life, but I saw his face and felt so much love again. I felt so much in love – like I have never done before. All kinds of feminine qualities overwhelmed me – I was bathing in sweetness, goodness, kindness, beauty, feeling contact with him, feeling like I was the center of attention, transfiguration and admiration. I felt we were dancing around and just... loving. I realised that I had never been in this state before – one of just love, here and now, feeling Shakti wakening under the soft touch and love of Shiva.
I felt so healed – and like Grace was flowing over me, abundantly. And like I was opening for all these qualities, falling in love, letting go of all my old ideas of love and sorrow. I just felt... loving and loved.
In the end of the meditation I was tired in my legs – but I also knew that of course it was not impossible to stand for so long, so it was just a noisy ego. I wanted to sit down, but took it as a mini-tapas, and thought: well, winners never quit and quitters never win. And at the end I just felt happy and relaxed...
I hope you will all have wonderful Shivaratris in your whole life – and encourage you to participate in spiral meditations. I really got wonderful states and healing – exactly what I needed, exactly the touch of love, clarity and light in my heart, like Shiva was penetrating my depths and asking ever so gently for my surrendering – a surrendering that I could not in any way have given Him without His grace. And I realised once again that love is light...
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